Higher Concerns for essay 1

Overall I can admit my essay 1 was lacking in some fundamental aspects that could have strengthened it. Overall one of the things that took away from the essay the most was the grammar. Some sentences are not cohesive or well constructed; while other sentences are perfectly fine in their grammar and content. This can take away from the overall appeal of the essay. The length is another factor to be expanded. While the length seems fine, if some more content was included it would have strengthened the essay drastically. Also the characters in the image are not described in any kind of detail. This would have been helpful in the final analysis. Mario who is the main character of the image was only briefly mentioned. If some of his history and his impact on children would have been described it would have added a good aspect to the essay. This time MLA format will be utilized in the essay. Also my punctuations are not properly used and take away from the flow of each sentence they are misused.