How I intend to revise my thesis

At the democratic national convention Kamala Harris had begun her speech by giving reasons why it would not be a good idea for people to vote for mitt Romney. Then she spoke about barrack Obama and named all of the great things he had done while being president. Kamala Harris’s speech was effective because she used logos, pathos, ethos, and rhetorical strategies to get her point across to American voters to vote for Barrack Obama.

On Kamala Harris's speech  I think that I could have been more effective in multiple areas.I feel that my orignal thesis is really short, it was more of a intro without the actual thesis. I think that I was lacking detail on my ending, I feel that I could have used better words, put more thought into what I was trying to say. The argument that I was trying to make wasnt really a argument . It realyy was hard for me to come up with a argument for the speech. This thesis is kind of boring and I could go more in detail about Kamala Harris's past, where she come from and what she do. When I revise this thesis I hope to add all of these things into the new one. Hopefully it will be longer with greater detail then the older ones. On the new one I want my thesis to actually be an actual thesis because sometimes  I have trouble trying to make a argument for the ending thesis. Instead of focusing on her talking about Obama I think I want to focus more on what she is saying and what she is really making a argument about.